Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Found in some old pictures and papers:

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is Yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.

Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds - but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

This leaves only one day - Today. Any man can fight the battles of just one day; it is only when you or I add the burdens of those two awful eternities - Yesterday - and Tomorrow - that we break down.

It is not the experience of Today that drives men mad - it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

Let us, therefore, live but one day at a time....

Anonymous

Laid Off

I was laid off today. In fact, my team of 4 was laid off. I truly loved that job and the people I worked with. I feel a bit sick and still a bit shell-shocked.

So, I came home and filed for unemployment, applied for 4 jobs, updated my resume on Monster and Career Builder, contacted those in my network, cut off every extraneous bill, and finally reached that point in my mind I had been trying to avoid all day.

I had to think about how my patterns are stopped. I won't be waking up and heading into work tomorrow. I'll just wake up. I cannot be without work. Much of my self worth is determined by it. Not to mention, my income has ceased, and I live alone (minus the two ever faithful basset hounds).

Oddly enough, I did not cry today. I teared up a little, but that was it. I was more sad of the loss of my team than the actual job. I had never worked with a better group of guys. I really hate to think of working with anyone else. It's almost like a divorce you didn't want, where you have to learn to eventually move on to someone else and you don't know if you can stand it.

I spent the last year pouring myself into my work. I was dedicated, loyal, did nothing wrong, and felt as if I was making a difference. Now some outsourcing firm will rush in and take over. There will be no pride in making things work and making sense out of madness. It will only be chasing many, many dollars with no care for the people they serve. Why would a company want that? I don't know. Even financially speaking, they will certainly pay more for outsourced technology than all of our salaries combined. They forget that consultants don't work for free after 40 hours or on holidays.

So, I'm up now, and of course sleep seems impossible. I hate uncertainty, and boy, am I in an ocean of it. Living alone sucked enough, but now I will be facing the days alone too. I don't think I am built for that. Then again, no one really is I guess.

Single and Scared

I came to the realization that if I have a flat tire, I'm screwed.

I have made progress by leaps and bounds in my finances since the divorce, but I'm still a long way from secure. I am grateful to be employed, and I am certainly not complaining. I know many have it worse. But, I'm not worried about many, I'm worried about me at the moment.

So, instead of buying that old world map tapestry I want so badly, I am focusing on the washing machine and lawn mower I will soon be needing when I move. I'm thinking a hand truck and some more household tools would be a good idea. And, of course, I need to work on a savings account. I'll get there. I feel like I'm growing up all over again, except this time I'm very far away from home and all by myself.

A dear friend has introduced me to Amazon's wish list. This is the best way to get a Christmas list. Maybe Mom will throw in that tapestry this year! :)

It was one of those days where everyone seemed to have lost their minds. I was nerved to the point that I was having non-existent arguments with people who had caused me grief in my mind. On the way home, after working late again, I noticed one of my beautiful storms coming in from the West as I am heading in North. I also noticed that my gas light came on.

It began to pour just as I have almost reached my apartment complex. Long day + No gas + Rain storm = Hysteria. I parked my car (after hitting the curb), and I looked at my umbrella in the back seat--and left it there. I got out and walked in the hard rain to my apartment. I rolled my jeans into capris, put on flip flops, and leashed up the dogs to be drained. I proceeded to walk back out into the pouring rain, and I enjoyed every drop. I even kicked some puddles. I forgot how much fun it was to feel water between my toes in a good rain. I'm sure I garnered some stares, but I know that one passerby in his car was smiling as if to say "she's lost her mind" or "she looks incandescently happy". I figure it's a cross between the two.

My picture is me after the rain running through the emotions of the day. I'm curious if anyone can pick out which expression goes with which set of eyes. Today, I will be happy. And, tomorrow, I will fight to win again.

Single Life

I suppose I've passed the initial process of learning to live alone. I sought and found inspiration in books geared toward women in my situation, and I cleared more from my DVR than I care to admit. I let my work consume me so that I don't have to think. I poured my heart, as always, into someone who can offer nothing in return but a broken heart.

On to phase two, I have found a place that more than suits me, and I can hardly wait to get moved. These things by their very nature make me terribly anxious, so I wish to get it all over with. Change, good or bad, wracks my nerves. Being a grown up sucks. I'm glad there is medication for it.

I am hoping to approach this next step with a different mindset. I hope to read more educational books, take a dance class, and simply enjoy the company of my heartbreaker while he will have me. Maybe I'll save enough money for that Victorian home I want so badly. Maybe I'll finally learn Latin or trace my genealogy.

Maybe, tonight, I'll get some sleep.

CLICK PICTURE FOR CBS NEWS ARTICLE

OK Nell is the woman...well, she is. She was nominated California's 2007 Woman of the Year after beating the fire out of a lion that attacked her husband and managed to flag down help and save his life.

I first heard of Nell Hamm while watching "I Survived" on Bio. She told the compelling story of how she picked up an eight foot long stick that was four inches in diameter and started whoopin' ass. I am inspired, and of course, I will find a way to apply this to my life.

Speaking of "I Survived", you've just got to love the stories from people who nearly died of their own stupidity. Natural Selection sneezed in the process. I think those people don't deserve to make the show. It's people like Nell who take matters into their own hands and just mean that they will survive. She couldn't help it that a lion attacked her husband and tried going for her. She took lemons and made some Mike's Hard Lemonade.

Thank you, Nell.

My Favorite Holiday

No matter how absorbed I am in my trivial problems, this day brings me out of it for a bit. I love my life in this country. I love that there are still safe places to go. Though at times we are one big dysfunctional family full of idiots and geniuses alike, we tend to all be on the same side when it comes to our freedom. We demand it.

I am sitting on a futon on the third floor of my apartment building watching the town fireworks shoot above the rooftops. I love the pops, crackles, and booms. I can't get over the fact that it's 63 degrees and windy outside. I miss that hot, sultry Georgia atmosphere. I am reminded of summer romances as a teenager. Intense, forbidden, and so very exciting with a bit of mystery to them. Somewhere between then and now that generation of guys lost their minds. They rush to the finish line right off the bat. At this point in my life, I'd just assume do without.

The show is over, and the crowd has cheered. We have marked our 233rd year of Independence. Nights like tonight help to foster my courage to make my move East. I am so grateful for the sacrifices of so many to be able to follow my dreams.